It's hard to complain when it worked. When Scott is here alive, in front of her, even if...even if she wishes so many things had been different, in between.
She can't literally hear the addendum, but it's there in the way he speaks, in his expression. (She'd studied both so desperately, both times she lost her telepathy.)
Emphatically, risking a fleeting touch to his cheek, "No. Not anything."
Without glasses, Scott's way easier to read - by anyone and especially her. Which is why the half-dozen flickering microexpressions and emotions are pretty clearly.
Namely confusion, denial, realization, anger and acceptance all in pretty rapid sequence.
"I'm going to kill him again."
Sad? Yes. . Mad? Also yes.
Because he'd do it, it makes sense tactically and that. that.
Jean watches him process it as if in slow motion, and a part of her wants so fiercely to hold him through it but she knows they're already on thin ice; she knows that it may do more harm than good besides.
So she just stands there, her own expression shifting into a bleak smile.
"No, you're not." There isn't a trace of doubt in that. "No more than I'd kill D'Bari again."
It is the first time, she thinks, that she has claimed such complete, unwavering ownership over destroying a world. She's admitted that she was the cause, and later that she would do it again; there was still a certain distance from who actually, so to speak, pulled the trigger. The lines had already gone very blurry, ever since Phoenix came back, and now - now that it's gone it's so easy to see that it took a part of her with it.
"We were both manipulated." By Mastermind, by Charles. "You for the greater good, and don't you dare let that make you less angry. You can decide it was worth it in the end and still hold him accountable." She's already decided it was worth it, is the thing. She doesn't love him any less, because she never has. That doesn't mean he gets a Get Out Of Consequences Free card.
Once he processes through the emotion he's putting the whole chain of events in context - from Cable telling him to bring Phoenix back, all the way through to Phoenix being splintered and creating new mutants and.
There went the pissed off.
Because it's so neatly, tactically, brilliantly, beautifully right. If 'mad' at anyone is left, it's himself for being so fucking blind.
"Too late," he says, with something that's almost humor. "Anyway, you should check in on Laura in particular. I've spoken with her but she could probably use some comforting and she'll take it better from you than most."
"No." Wait. "Well, yes, of course I'm checking on Laura."
She has a list. It will probably keep growing, but that's all right; that's her life.
"But first, first, Scott, I need to remind you that I've known Charles since I was twelve years old, and I met him when the entire world was bleeding into my head. I need to remind you that, not long ago, I held his mind in my own."
What she's saying, here, is that what she's about to tell him is not a guess, is not a wish, is not a consolation.
"He hated how easy it was to see the cruellest and most efficient option. He didn't gather us together just as a strategy in a war he wouldn't name out loud." Not back then, anyway, back when he still told himself he wasn't turning children into soldiers.
"Don't you see? He found a telepath who still saw the best in everyone she met. He found a genius who put people first. He found a rich boy who wanted to save everyone else. He found a kid who could freeze the world who only wanted to make people laugh."
This is worth the risk, raising her hand to rest it on Scott's chest.
"He found a lonely kid who hated himself. Who needed to mean something to other people, because otherwise it felt like he shouldn't exist. Who needed to be in control, all the time, or everyone around him would suffer."
Her hand trembles against his chest before she forces it to stop. Maybe it's for the best, that she's powerless right now.
"We weren't just pieces of a chess board. We were there to be better than him." Her eyes flash, not with fire but the emotional equivalent. "He knew he much he would love us, and how much he would use us. He needed us to grow up, one day, and tell him when it wasn't fucking acceptable. Even when he'd do it anyway, and we'd let him."
Jean steps closer still, and it's definitely too intimate, but she no longer cares. "He needs you to know that you deserved better."
She's not just talking about Dark Phoenix, anymore.
Her emotion - and passion, and love for both of them - is very clear. Not just in the shaking hand or the risk she's taking to be close and intimate. That she's risking him says more about that, than risk taking herself.
There's no great startle or realization dawning this time, at least. Oh, having it laid out is new, but. "I know." One corner of his mouth turns up, slightly. "I do that, too." And he does, though differently. Jean. Logan. Emma. Ororo. People who will hold him accountable and call him out, in various ways. People who push back.
He kisses her on the forehead and fuck it they're going to get beat for this and it's okay.
"Still not mad."
Because he... just can't get that worked up about himself. Not when it was plan that worked. At least not right now. "I'll yell at him about it, anyway. Or maybe just about Sinister and Apocalypse."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 02:52 pm (UTC)She can't literally hear the addendum, but it's there in the way he speaks, in his expression. (She'd studied both so desperately, both times she lost her telepathy.)
Emphatically, risking a fleeting touch to his cheek, "No. Not anything."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 02:56 pm (UTC)Namely confusion, denial, realization, anger and acceptance all in pretty rapid sequence.
"I'm going to kill him again."
Sad? Yes. . Mad? Also yes.
Because he'd do it, it makes sense tactically and that. that.
Son of a bitch.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 03:26 pm (UTC)So she just stands there, her own expression shifting into a bleak smile.
"No, you're not." There isn't a trace of doubt in that. "No more than I'd kill D'Bari again."
It is the first time, she thinks, that she has claimed such complete, unwavering ownership over destroying a world. She's admitted that she was the cause, and later that she would do it again; there was still a certain distance from who actually, so to speak, pulled the trigger. The lines had already gone very blurry, ever since Phoenix came back, and now - now that it's gone it's so easy to see that it took a part of her with it.
"We were both manipulated." By Mastermind, by Charles. "You for the greater good, and don't you dare let that make you less angry. You can decide it was worth it in the end and still hold him accountable." She's already decided it was worth it, is the thing. She doesn't love him any less, because she never has. That doesn't mean he gets a Get Out Of Consequences Free card.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 03:37 pm (UTC)Once he processes through the emotion he's putting the whole chain of events in context - from Cable telling him to bring Phoenix back, all the way through to Phoenix being splintered and creating new mutants and.
There went the pissed off.
Because it's so neatly, tactically, brilliantly, beautifully right. If 'mad' at anyone is left, it's himself for being so fucking blind.
"Too late," he says, with something that's almost humor. "Anyway, you should check in on Laura in particular. I've spoken with her but she could probably use some comforting and she'll take it better from you than most."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 04:00 pm (UTC)She has a list. It will probably keep growing, but that's all right; that's her life.
"But first, first, Scott, I need to remind you that I've known Charles since I was twelve years old, and I met him when the entire world was bleeding into my head. I need to remind you that, not long ago, I held his mind in my own."
What she's saying, here, is that what she's about to tell him is not a guess, is not a wish, is not a consolation.
"He hated how easy it was to see the cruellest and most efficient option. He didn't gather us together just as a strategy in a war he wouldn't name out loud." Not back then, anyway, back when he still told himself he wasn't turning children into soldiers.
"Don't you see? He found a telepath who still saw the best in everyone she met. He found a genius who put people first. He found a rich boy who wanted to save everyone else. He found a kid who could freeze the world who only wanted to make people laugh."
This is worth the risk, raising her hand to rest it on Scott's chest.
"He found a lonely kid who hated himself. Who needed to mean something to other people, because otherwise it felt like he shouldn't exist. Who needed to be in control, all the time, or everyone around him would suffer."
Her hand trembles against his chest before she forces it to stop. Maybe it's for the best, that she's powerless right now.
"We weren't just pieces of a chess board. We were there to be better than him." Her eyes flash, not with fire but the emotional equivalent. "He knew he much he would love us, and how much he would use us. He needed us to grow up, one day, and tell him when it wasn't fucking acceptable. Even when he'd do it anyway, and we'd let him."
Jean steps closer still, and it's definitely too intimate, but she no longer cares. "He needs you to know that you deserved better."
She's not just talking about Dark Phoenix, anymore.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 04:28 pm (UTC)There's no great startle or realization dawning this time, at least. Oh, having it laid out is new, but. "I know." One corner of his mouth turns up, slightly. "I do that, too." And he does, though differently. Jean. Logan. Emma. Ororo. People who will hold him accountable and call him out, in various ways. People who push back.
He kisses her on the forehead and fuck it they're going to get beat for this and it's okay.
"Still not mad."
Because he... just can't get that worked up about himself. Not when it was plan that worked. At least not right now. "I'll yell at him about it, anyway. Or maybe just about Sinister and Apocalypse."