notrosecolored | Duplicity Contact Post

[ There's a brief resistance, entirely because it means admitting just how exhausted she feels and it's just - instinctive, at this point in her life, not to do that. Somehow, without her noticing, Scott stopped being the exception.

But then she does it anyway, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. ]

She had to grow up too fast, and she keeps losing the people she loves, and one day she'll go back to her own world and there's nothing I can do about any of it.

[ he just waits the resistance out, then wraps around her in return. ]

There's not, but you can make her time here as... good as it is possible to be. And you will.

[ Oddly that description reminds him of...

Midnighter as much as his actual kids. ]

You're a lot better at this comforting thing than you give yourself credit for.

[ It's a soft murmur, but the conviction rings soundly. ]

Only because I know you.

[ He's not even arguing the point with her, not too much. ]

We're all pretty fucked.

[ And kisses the top o her head.]

[ She can't help laughing as she shuffles closer. ]

How dare you, I'm extremely well-adjusted.

[ She'll say this for Duplicity: she doesn't feel the same pressure to project that fantasy, and it's kind of nice. ]

Yeah, but extremely well adjusted to what?

[ He's tired. He's sore. He's worried about her. He's worried stupid about Mid. So curling up around her and with her? He... doesn't want to move. For him? He is damn near clinging. ]

[ She huffs out a laugh, and it resonates with the same emotions, along with a wry but profound sense of relief.

She'd missed this. For almost a year, he was lost to her, and even once she finally got him back - it felt like all of their hard won intimacy had been shattered.

Maybe it's selfish to bask in it, considering, but she is far too tired to care right now. ]

I'm not sure if our lives prepared us for this place or just gave it more ways to hurt us.

I'm still holding my theory that there is a point at which you become immune to acquiring new trauma.

[ He's... not being serious. Mostly not being serious. But there is some truth there for him. Sort of. Not that it's healthy but that at some point there's not much that qualifies as 'worst ever' and you know yo're going to get up again.

It just rotates with crippling anxiety and crushing depression. ]

[ Maybe it should be worrying, that she doesn't even blink at that possibility. ]

Too much scar tissue to feel anything new?

[ It's not that simple and they both know it, but - it's not entirely wrong, either. For Scott more than her, but she's well aware how much doesn't hit her the way it used to. ]

We never give ourselves time to heal properly.

[ There's a hidden question there; how he's dealing with whatever happened, what he wants to do next. ]

[ He's aware of the unspoken question, but also a little caught in trying to explain himself and his analogy as the backdrop. ]

Maybe? Or just adaptation, like sticking your hand under hot water and slowly raising the temperature. Either way, things would have to normalize for a lot longer than they do to reset to reacting 'appropriately' to 'trauma'.

[ No air quotes, but heavily implied. ]

I'll be all right with this. It moved the bar a little higher, but not higher enough to be devastating. I'll spend a while mostly asleep and cranky then drag Mid back home by his hair.

[ Jean doesn't expect to laugh about this, but she snickers into his shoulder like they're kids again.

Yeah, she can see the adaptation kicking in there. ]

I don't think he has enough hair for that but otherwise, solid plan.

[ Does she remain utterly, sickeningly horrified by the potential details of what made Scott flinch away from her? Yes.

Is she in any position to ask him not to reach out to someone who was made into a weapon against his will? No. ]

[ He trusts her enough to both get the implications and to know damn well he's not going to... reach back out. Even force the issue.

Shit happens.

His people are his people and, ironically, Mid has never been more one of his. ]

I'll find a way.

[ Not joking. He will. ]

It might not be by the hair on his head, though.

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