[ He blinks. Puzzles through it, turning the pieces over to fit that against his (correct) instinct that Scott would be unhappy so it would be wrong to keep the encounter a secret from him. Maybe since they hadn't consented, he's considering letting it go..?
That would make sense, and has Kazu kind of wishing that they'd discussed this possibility beforehand like the conversation he'd had with Akihiro, but... all they can do now is try to work through the fact that it happened already and he did tell Scott.
After a few seconds of visible gear-turning, he nods seriously. ]
[ Scott's a pessimist to his core when it comes to himself and anything ever working out. He expects shit to fall apart at any moment. He expects to have to do something to nuke his relationships for a greater good or even just his own sanity at any point. He only believes he actually matters when he's with a telepath who is actively letting him feel that and see himself through their eyes--
and even then he expects it to fail.
Basically he's always prepared to walk away himself, ideally before he is walked away from.
But a minute or two of silence back at Kazu and he nods, slightly.
Okay. He can redraw this line a little, to keep sex in the equation.
It's easier when he knows Kazu's self-worth is still a thing being built, somehow, and that he's afraid of this.]
All right. Then let's just call this the new boundary and... take it from here.
[ Kazu, by all appearances, waits in patient silence while Scott thinks. Petting Logan and swirling the liquor in his glass but till not drinking it, he seems calm enough.
He isn't.
It's a good thing Scott isn't a telepath himself, because on the inside Kazu is buzzing with restless nerves. Normally he would have downed the drink already but he can't right now, because he can't go home smelling and tasting of alcohol and if Scott draws a line right now he might need to leave. He doesn't want to leave, but isn't confident he could handle his shit well enough to stay.
The fact that Scott nods instead is very surprising, Kazu's eyes widening slightly. That obviously isn't the answer he expected. ]
...okay.
[ And then he does take a drink, scooting Logan out of his lap so he can stand up and circle around the coffee table to sit on the couch with Scott. Not close enough to imply he expects anything to happen right now -- and the older man has made it clear enough that he isn't snuggly -- but within reach. ]
Did you want to talk about-- why did you mention Jean?
[ If Kazu comes at Scott with physical affection right now, Scott might flinch and he doubts real seriously that would go over well. So he tries to prepare himself for the possibility and to not do that.
The ultimate impact being going very still for a moment, then relaxing back to a more natural posture when Kazu settles in reach but not actively touching.
Then he has to figure out how to articulate the answer to a question he didn't expect. He takes a drink from his glass to do that.]
I guess to demonstrate that there is still a line I am incapable of crossing when it comes to emotional expression, even when something that important is on the line.
That line is way, way further than this was, but it stll exists.
[ Oh. Kazu considers that for a moment, then shrugs one shoulder. ]
My entire point was that I am not asking you to be, Scott. That isn't something I need from you, we're...
[ He trails off, uncertain how to put it. If it even needs to be said in the first place. Maybe it doesn't? In any case it's easier to lift his glass again and down the rest of the liquor in it first. ]
You're important to me as you are. Whether either of us intended it or not.
[ That's an objective enough statement that Scott won't break out in hives, right? ]
no subject
That would make sense, and has Kazu kind of wishing that they'd discussed this possibility beforehand like the conversation he'd had with Akihiro, but... all they can do now is try to work through the fact that it happened already and he did tell Scott.
After a few seconds of visible gear-turning, he nods seriously. ]
no subject
and even then he expects it to fail.
Basically he's always prepared to walk away himself, ideally before he is walked away from.
But a minute or two of silence back at Kazu and he nods, slightly.
Okay. He can redraw this line a little, to keep sex in the equation.
It's easier when he knows Kazu's self-worth is still a thing being built, somehow, and that he's afraid of this.]
All right. Then let's just call this the new boundary and... take it from here.
no subject
He isn't.
It's a good thing Scott isn't a telepath himself, because on the inside Kazu is buzzing with restless nerves. Normally he would have downed the drink already but he can't right now, because he can't go home smelling and tasting of alcohol and if Scott draws a line right now he might need to leave. He doesn't want to leave, but isn't confident he could handle his shit well enough to stay.
The fact that Scott nods instead is very surprising, Kazu's eyes widening slightly. That obviously isn't the answer he expected. ]
...okay.
[ And then he does take a drink, scooting Logan out of his lap so he can stand up and circle around the coffee table to sit on the couch with Scott. Not close enough to imply he expects anything to happen right now -- and the older man has made it clear enough that he isn't snuggly -- but within reach. ]
Did you want to talk about-- why did you mention Jean?
no subject
The ultimate impact being going very still for a moment, then relaxing back to a more natural posture when Kazu settles in reach but not actively touching.
Then he has to figure out how to articulate the answer to a question he didn't expect. He takes a drink from his glass to do that.]
I guess to demonstrate that there is still a line I am incapable of crossing when it comes to emotional expression, even when something that important is on the line.
That line is way, way further than this was, but it stll exists.
no subject
My entire point was that I am not asking you to be, Scott. That isn't something I need from you, we're...
[ He trails off, uncertain how to put it. If it even needs to be said in the first place. Maybe it doesn't? In any case it's easier to lift his glass again and down the rest of the liquor in it first. ]
You're important to me as you are. Whether either of us intended it or not.
[ That's an objective enough statement that Scott won't break out in hives, right? ]